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受保护:如果第4部分你应该给我留言

11 九月

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激情:爱情故事,第四部分

29 十一月

以前激情:

第1部分

第2部分

第3部分

插曲1

插曲2

2012年10月16日

来自:Angela Euna Kim(socalprincess@hotmail.com

致:Filbert B.金(fkim@goldbergkimllc.com)

榛子,

阿尔罕布拉的雷克萨斯今天早上打电话给我一个男人告诉我,我的月付款没有准时到位我和我的朋友一起吃早午餐,我不需要告诉你,当你的朋友能清楚地听到通过电话说的话时,收到债权人关于延迟付款的电话是多么的尴尬你没有按时支付月度款项,他们正在评估100美元的费用和额外的利息,如果还有三笔延迟付款,那么这辆车就有被收回的危险(!)

How could you allow this to happen? YOU need to take care of this right awayYou also need to call on mom’s car and make sure her latest payments are up to date.  Please do this right now.  If mom got a call from a car dealership telling her she was a deadbeat she would be mortified.

Fuck.  The fucking car payment.

2012年10月16日

来自:Filbert B.金(fkim@goldbergkimllc.com)

致:Angela Euna Kim(socalprincess@hotmail.com

亲爱的安吉拉,

Why don’t you just call it what it is, you idiot– a fucking Toyota.  A fucking Toyota Camry, except, that wasn’t expensive enough for you.   You needed a Toyota Camry that cost eighty thousand dollars.  Because you liked the color.  Metallic teal.  And probably because you thought the raghead salesman was handsome.  You fucking whore.

You bought it because you liked the fucking metallic teal, and the voice of the onboard computer.  It was easy for you to plug in your god damn earpiece that’s glued to your head like fucking Robocop and make calls where you talk about nothing to your muppet-faced USC friends.  What did you even have to talk about, before you had that fucking car?  Grey’s Anatomy?  God forbid you should pick up a fucking book.  I should have killed you when I had the chance.继续阅读

Reader Mailbag:如何制作一个好的OKCupid配置文件

8 四月

删除问:

我必须诚实的人你有我读过的最好的个人资料Both in terms of being well-written, paced and humorous, and also as probably able to wrangle in more women than any other jerkoff profile I’ve seen尊重。

话虽这么说,我很好奇你能不能把我的想法告诉我我知道这是一种蹩脚的问题,但他妈的,你明白了关于如何更好地吸引小鸡,你对我有什么建议吗?

OK, well first of all, thank you for saying such nice things.  I like my profile, too.  I get a lot of these emails because of书签交易users briefly discussing me months ago.  And most of my visitors are dudes from out of state.  So, thanks guys.  I wish you were nubile young women from Southern California, but, fuck it.  At least someone gives a shit.

But I should tell you– I get an incoming email from an actual girl in my age range about once every two weeks.  If this is in fact the best profile on the entirety of OKCupid, and I am a six foot one athletically built白色guy who is gainfully employed in a major metropolis, and this is the unsolicited message yield one can expect from an “original” and “humorous” profile, men are genuinely fucked.  Plus my response rate on outgoing emails is about fifty per cent, my phone number rate when I ask this fifty percent for it is about fifty percent, the call back rate when I leave a message is about fifty per cent, and the amount of dates that actually result in sexual intercourse or wanting to see the other person again is fifty per cent, and so on.  I am in a Zeno’s paradox of pussy where you are walking halfway of halfway of halfway along a wall forever and by the time all the hoops are jumped through the possibility of having an actual relationship is functionally zeroSo even if this profile is so fucking great, it’s like– the most lethal Nerf weapon ever invented.  There’s just not much you can do.继续阅读

等一下 - 我有吸引力吗?

11 二月

Somebody called me “attractive” last night.  For the first time that it was actually meaningful.  Because every other time it’s either been:

a)回应我的说法“耶稣基督,我的脸看起来像是用他妈的铲子击中的。”

b)一个角质的同性恋男子试图得到奠定或

c)     an even less attractive friend saying “Jesus, you must have it so easy, you’re attractive.”  To him, I am “attractive” just like to a Somali war orphan the guy clocking fifteen grand a year at Arby’s is “rich.”

Or it was my friends, or my girlfriend, or my mom, etc.  I don’t believe any of them.  For my entire life it has been my absolute bedrock belief that I am a hideous unlovable mutant whom no woman could let her eyes linger on for even a second lest she gag.  And this is borne up by reality, because no women ever look at me, talk to me; no woman ever makes the first move to approach me, ever.  Gays do it all the time, but you know, I hit on fat chicks all the time.  Gays want to fuck me the same way a drunk guy wants to fuck his couch.继续阅读

受保护:OKCupid:胖子

29 一月

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