Archive | April, 2013

产品评论:Tenga®EasyBeat Egg™人工阴道,“丝滑”

29 四月

柔滑的鸡蛋

这个fucksleeve在周二收到了邮件他想,就像一个真正的女人一样,它永远都要来了在公共场合,你永远无法讲述一个笑话。

正如所承诺的那样,它是谨慎的包装一个惊人的小盒子其中包含一个含有fucksleeve的塑料蛋While small, it could be stretched, per the pamphlet, “to accommodate any size penis.” There were also hints on how to maximize sensation on the glans and frenulum; some artist had been paid to draw a hand in various positions stretching this piece of silicon over a healthy-sized member这是一种生活在物品的孔口内是一包润滑剂,但他选择了Curel Intensive Care保存特殊的东西,以备不时之需。

继续阅读

裸体图片

26 四月

Nikol’s right.  I am an asshole for emailing (REDACTED)’s naked pictures to a scummy dude in exchange for naked pictures of a Chinese prostitute.

但是你怎么会有一个女孩和女孩的裸照show them to other guys?  Someone tell me, because I have never once heard of it happening.  A guy having naked pictures of his girlfriend and discreetly keeping them in his private possession and never showing them to anybody.  Just wistfully 万博ag真人揭秘ing off to them once in a while after they break up.  Maybe if the girl was fiendishly ugly.继续阅读

失业日记:想要广告

25 四月

招聘面试-300

Are you PASSIONATE about finance? Rock star Executive Assistant needed for C-level exec at up-and-coming boutique firm理想的候选人是一个注重细节,有动力的自我启动者厚厚的皮肤和处理棘手的个性的能力是必须的薪酬标准有增长机会学士学位,五年行业经验要求。

他们都是这样的因为这些人都是骗子为了让他们付钱给你,他们要求你也是个骗子。你对金融充满热情吗?当然不是没有人是没有人对此充满热情钱;他们追求金钱,因为他们没有激情,也不知道他们的生活还有什么但我们希望你受到激情的激励,而不是薪水因为我们不想付钱给你。继续阅读

工作日记:为什么我喝酒

24 四月

IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR ACCOUNT ENCLOSED TIME WARNER CABLE URGENTLY NEEDS TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR SERVICE PLAN BANK OF AMERICA OVERDRAFT RESPONSE REQUIRED NOTICE CITY OF LOS ANGELES BUREAU OF WASTE MANAGEMENT MANDATORY RATE INCREASE CITY OF LOS ANGELES FRANCHISE TAX BOARD NOTICE OF WAGE GARNISHMENT NOTICE CITY OF LOS ANGELES PARKING DEPARTMENT VIOLATION CITY OF LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC COURT NOTICE OF FAILURE TO APPEAR NOTICE

...这是Serenity Flannelcrotch与NPR的新闻在北方的伊斯兰叛乱分子袭击之后,数以千计无价的古代手稿在马里被摧毁Unemployment is once again on the rise, according to fiscal reports from the fourth quarter; over half a million new applications were added to the seasonally adjusted figures与此同时,经济继续增加就业机会还有一次学校射击,这次是在田纳西州,一名学生在午餐时间在一个拥挤的自助餐厅里开火,造成五人死亡,十二名学生和教职员工受伤被杀害者的年龄从7岁到10岁不等疾病预防控制中心官员周三报道,目前在科罗拉多州西部发现了一种新的“超级”淋病该菌株可能对重要器官造成永久性损伤,并且抗生素无法治愈在当地新闻中,前教师Raoul Martinez今天将接受审判,指控他在Live Oak小学三十年任期内骚扰了两百名学生有关以色列卷入叙利亚的谣言引发了对美国的猜测在以色列可能在叙利亚境内进行空袭后,可能会派兵道指上涨了800点。继续阅读

有史以来最炙手可热的女孩

19 四月

你必须明白,有史以来最炙手可热的女孩是一个十六岁的特殊需要的学生,有一个大乳房曾经在我叔叔的洗衣机上穿着白色比基尼湿透了He had a place by a lake; the kids would go there to swim我的阿姨开着新罕布什尔州诺丁汉镇的特殊需要校车她乘坐这辆公共汽车,所以,她出了点问题,但她看起来很正常她很漂亮完美的脸And big tits, bit sixteen year old tits that were still growing, popped out like balloons, a bubble butt that was still growing, a little hair on her pussy but not the pie plate sized tangle of Armenian backthatch that God sees fit to give women in adulthood一个十六岁的特殊需要女孩这些话之前有某种ADD或自闭症或阅读障碍症在电视上播出,之后他们就意味着一个在学校乱搞的富家子弟,所以他们只是把她和愚蠢的孩子放在一起她被人瞧不起The words you used to hurt people were retard and faggot; she rode the retard bus她很甜蜜,只是想让别人喜欢她只是想让别人在木筏下亲吻她,用冷水温暖皮肤,只是想让别人碰她这发生在二十年前,甚至不是接吻的部分,我所做的只是和她说话其他孩子都在嘲笑我,但我不知道为什么直到事实发生后我才发现她患有精神障碍。

二十年来,我一直抽搐到那个记忆中一个男人的梦想是一个美丽的女人,但在生活中这样一个狗屎站,即使他紧张,她也会跟他说话在他成为一个硬化的没有灵魂的玩家之前,通过醉酒的匿名乱搞你和贾斯汀比伯结婚的那个胖女孩一样,找到了一个。

第一名粉丝

19 四月

1_a_misery_ballbuster

一个女人is flying from back East to visit me.  A fan.  She is fucking crazy, but I’m having her come out anyway我需要它那么糟糕另外,Bukowski做到了如果女孩们飞出去操他几天He also killed a guy with a typewriter and slept on garbage cans– should I do that shit too? But if you write a couple hundred thousand words about fucking fat chicks and jerking off you start to get emails女孩问你的阳痿,过早射精的小阴茎。它不能那么小,可以吗?他们不希望图像干扰他们的幻想女孩们会读到你对其他女性的情感和有时身体上的虐待,并认为:接下来做我!继续阅读

失业日记:时间安排

18 四月

笼中的美洲虎

所以不工作很好,但它有自己的一套危险You will do nothing with your time; you will sit at a desk and jerk off all day while it’s 73 degrees and sunny outside and people are walking around with interesting stories and the great books of the world sit ignored on the shelf of a library that’s within walking distanceIn your own home you have musical instruments, you have a machine that can teach you any language in the world, but the machine also shows you young Thai girls choking on big veiny dicks and I don’t need to tell you which one you end up pickingThere is a whole other country, another culture, another language right next door; mountains and deserts and jungles– jungles! With jaguars in them! Toltecs in those crazy blankets with faces like temple carvings selling fruit in some high mountain pass, dark eyed girls and cheap beer但是你太害怕了你可能被绑架了Kidnapped away from what, jerking off? Arrested? Your life is a prison这间公寓和墨西哥监狱之间的区别是我有一个稍微好一点的厕所。继续阅读