Archive | July, 2012

杀死一只Cockblockingbird

31 七月

当我杀了一只模仿鸟, I of course went and looked up what killing a mockingbird was supposed to mean in TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.  I figured it was some deep voodoo curse or something.  Some backwoods Alabama legend where you kill a mockingbird and your family is cursed and your children and your children’s children.

Turns out, no, it’s just Gregory Peck being an asshole.  What he’s saying is: if you are going to kill a bird, do not kill the mockingbird in particular.  Kill a blue jay instead, because the blue jay’s call is annoying.  Whereas the mockingbird creates beautiful songs.

这取决于哪个The mockingbirds around here aren’t covering nightingales or some shit like that.  What mockingbirds do is move into an area and sing the songs of competing birds to fake them out.  So a sparrow flies by, considers nesting, and then hears the song of another sparrow and thinks:fuck it; I’ll move on.继续阅读

受保护:日期报告:现在和永远的猫咪附近的奥运会

三十 七月

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早泄奥运会

29 七月

我今晚有约会I’m not thinking clearly about the situation.  I have not ejaculated since throat fucking Astrid for a prolonged period without getting off on Friday night, then kind of sexually wrassling around with her in my apartment in the morning, then attending a wedding full of teenage girls in short dresses who would sit with their legs uncrossed so you could see the tiny contained mounds of their steamy pubescent pussies in black cotton panties, then a party with 19-22 year old undergraduates including an Asian girl in tight pants with a tiny perfect ass rubbing on me on the couch, the狂欢提议的家伙girlfriend dressed up in some cartoon whore outfit she bought at Disneyland leaning over me on the stairs, her thighs; the girl I had fucked in a tiny sheer summer dress, remembering how my meatpipe sundered her girlish inexperienced pussy, cumming in her… my ball sac is泛着它是钚I am afraid to jerk off because I’m gonna cum so hard it’ll hurt.  I want to go on this date so I can get her into my bed and cum in two seconds我认为这个日期是早泄的奥运会,我把黄金带回家。

周末日报7-29-12

29 七月

Yeah, Astrid boned a dude on the porch at a party.  Then I went in the can with her while she was taking a piss and she stuck her finger in her pussy and pulled out a fingerful of jizz and tried to smear it on me.

We were watching an episode of MAMA’S FAMILY where the Harper household receives a series of obscene phone calls, which Thelma “Mama” Harper pronounces “OHB-seen.”  I wanted to add voice over of the call saying stuff like “I’m gonna cut your pussy open with a box cutter and then shit in it and give you a shit baby” but MAMA’S FAMILY is shot with a stagey acting style that does not allow for realistic length pauses in phone scenes.  In other words, Ken Berry or Vicki Lawrence or whoever will pick up the phone and say “hello,” then almost instantaneously begin reacting with revulsion to the imaginary voice on line, e.g“you want to WHAT? With ICE CUBES?”

We were at a party, a going away party for my 22 year old friends; a small place but there are always 22 year old girls there.  Astrid, I want you to know that I have had sex with the blonde girl who was into reading Tarot cards.  I am disappointed that I was not able to discreetly convey that to you原位.  Usually when we are together near an attractive woman I have fucked I’m able to work it into conversation the way someone who went to Harvard works that into conversation.  And you are appropriately impressed.  She insists that I have a large penis; the sex was in fact painful for her and caused vaginal bleeding.  I do not have a large penis.  Her concept of penis size is completely out of left field.继续阅读

受保护:Nofappers

27 七月

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Junkie Ex Teancee第2部分

26 七月

她是我的第一个女朋友我和我的第一个女朋友订婚了她不是很有魅力几乎是一个侏儒,她就像 - 对不起,不是侏儒......不是通用的小人物要么 - 她几乎是一个侏儒她身高4英尺11英寸,并且在一定程度上与真正的侏儒症或软骨发育不全的人的头部和四肢略微不成比例像Warwick Davis或Weeman一样万博AG真人揭秘屁股

她的手指很粗糙,就像小胡萝卜一样,她的脚像霍比特人一样异常宽阔而短小。事实上,整体而言,她的外表几乎是侏儒......同性恋......一旦她开始做很多事情,她也变胖了......
继续阅读

Junkie Ex Teancee

25 七月

她第一次告诉我她怀孕了,她只是在弥补小鸡那样做,我猜,只是为了他妈的但是我第二次看到垃圾桶里的小蓝便小便,我知道这场骚乱即将来临怀孕绝不会减缓她的伏特加和鸦片消费需求 - 相反,情况的压力使她想要更多We would be fucking, she on top of me on a little– you know those fucking chair-mattress things, in our friends’ guest bedroom, and suddenly some combination of pills and hormones would kick in and she’d start mumbling and crying, talking about how much she loved me and needed me, and if I ever went away she’d kill herself然后她会在她的眼睛里看到一个狂野的样子,小便自己(在我的阴茎上),然后在我身上消失当她突然昏倒时,它就像一具尸体 - 你无法再让她起来每天晚上她都会在床上小便 - 我们和一群朋友住在一起(尽管我们都有完全可行的公寓),她会有一种呻吟和笨拙的感觉,当她睡觉的时候,她会呕吐出来你不能叫醒她每天晚上我都要翻看尸体,从床底下撕下床单,然后将它们拖到地下室洗衣房,因为我的睡衣上的尿液在我的皮肤上冷却。