民族小说创作月

9 可以

It was National Novel Writing Month in November.  I sat down and tried to write a novel for about three minutes.  Here’s what I came up with:

BOOM!  A huge explosionThis is the first thing that happens in my National Novel Writing Month novel.  A gigantic explosion.  Massive wall of radioactive fire eating up the whole sky; trees instantly incineratedSeagulls knocked out of air currents and turned to ash.  Rocks melted to glass.  Buildings crushed, like toys, in a toy crushing machine.  Crushed like toys during National Toy Crushing Month.  Cars, also like toysWhy is it always “like toys,” as though we crush our toys any more than we crush our normal-size possessions.  Toys are valuable.  Specifically to children, who are the people who own toys– nothing is more valuable than toys.  But anyway, these things are crushed like toys.  Like toys being crushed by a toy nuclear blast, except– this is not a toy.

Oceans evaporated.  The whole world now feels like a small unventilated bathroom after a long shower.  Sharks withering on the beach– once majestic, the king of the sea.  But who’s the king now?  No one没有人,你这是他妈的鲨鱼。

That’s as far as I got.  But still, I often think I should write a novel.  Because, you know, I wake up early or go out on my lunch break and sit down at my keyboard and move my fingers around until stuff comes out, you know; I might as well string a bunch of it together.  Maybe I would make some money.  Like my idol,Michel Houellebecq.  Here’s a guy who worked until he was nearly forty at a shitty job that he hated and was preoccupied with getting laid with teenage girls and was a miserable self-loathing person.  Then he wrote a novel called WHATEVER and it became, as they say,感觉,他被授予奖牌并且变得富裕,并被提升为有时受人尊敬的名人 - 我正要说“有时候受到尊重,有时会厌恶”,但我不认为有人讨厌他He writes candidly about his heterosexual views toward women, which is to say he’s a misogynist, but he escapes the vitriol of feminists for some reason.  Perhaps because he isn’t making any prescriptive announcements, you know.  He isn’t saying “like all pretty young girls, she was good only for fucking and therefore she shouldn’t have been allowed to vote;” he is simply saying “like all pretty young girls, she was useful only for fucking.”  Which is true.

Anyway, that’s what I want to be like.  Michel Houellebecq.  His first novel was like 80 pages long and was basically a transcript of a bunch of shit that actually happened to him.  So, I could do that.  Right?

所以我会写一本小说,它会成为感觉.   Except it won’t, because you can only do that in France.  In America, the books that become感觉是 - 我的意思是,最新的是一段TWILIGHT粉丝小说where Edward is a billionaire “industrialist” instead of an ordinary high school vampire and Bella is a cub reporter sent to interview him for the college paper.  And he draws her into a long sadomasochistic sex relationship like STORY OF O except instead of keeping her in a prison and handing her ass around to be gang raped by his buddies he flies her around on private jets between sessions of tying her up and ball gagging her and lancing her deeply with his giant industrial cock.

So that’s a successful novel in America.  Or it’s the original TWILIGHT.  Or THE HUNGER GAMES, which is actually good but come on.  Or it’s, on the “literary” side of things it’s Jonathan Franzen, or大卫福斯特华莱士,one of whom is brilliant but both of whom are feminized nebbishes who are completely dishonest about sexuality.  A male novelist who talks about the way every man really feels about women, which is to say a misogynist, is anathema to the times.

So fuck that; I’m gonna be a farmer.

3回应“全国小说写作月”

  1. maremare10 2012年5月9日上午10:27

    No, no…please write a book!!!!!! This is the best idea I’ve heard out of you in a while请这样做......

  2. 匿名 2012年5月10日上午5:46

    Please be a farmer! Move to PA and learn it grom the pros and…you know…never use electricity again🙂

  3. 匿名 2012年5月11日下午4:43

    农民很热 - 除了年轻女孩。

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