书评:E.L.詹姆斯的50种灰色阴影

23 马尔

(如果你喜欢这个狗屎,看看我的书Hot Naked Tits

马上,你妈妈正对着一本脏书自慰about a guy who duct tapes a young girl to a chair,blindfolds her,gags her,打败了她,then pulls a tampon out of her cooch and fucks her period pussy before spraying hot,她脸上满是咸咸的鸡巴。他的大公鸡。他的大公鸡,huge cock.  So huge that she is scared of it,你妈妈是个21岁的女孩。她在弹中年豆子的时候假装的那个女孩比你小。她比你妹妹小。她比你小四岁,那时你妈妈在洗衣服的时候发现一包偷来的维吉尼亚泥在你身上揉成一团,你妈妈会很害怕的。

现在你妈妈假装是一个女孩,她已经长大了,可以喝酒了,who meets a notorious but reclusive billionaire "industrialist" who made huge sums of money in the way that women think "industrialists" make money,也就是说:他们不知道,所以他只拥有一堆手工制作的工厂,就在这里,在一个古老的美国,在一堆农场里,人们和野兽一样受到道德和人道的对待。30岁以下,speaks of how he "knows people" and the key is his forty thousand employees,all of whom he has hand-selected and pays what they're worth and listens to their ideas and etc.,even though his army of hot young blonde secretaries are terrified of him.  The girl had to interview him for the school paper when her cub journalist roommate got sick,然后他找到了她,把那个女孩变成了他妈的奴隶。

这就是你郊区的中年妈妈拉兔子时喜欢考虑的问题。这是一个比一般人造阴茎大的亮紫色,沿着阴茎轴旋转着珍珠状的轴承,还有一个阴蒂刺激器,形状像同名动物,当你55岁的母亲大概超重了,她几十年来没有梳理过她的盐和胡椒阴部,看起来像是1982年杰瑞·加尔克的头皮。当你父亲在体育中心前昏倒后,她把这台洗衣机从洗碗机里拿出来时,我把它粘在胯部。当她解开她宽大剪裁的沃尔玛(Walmart)褪色的Glory(Glory)牛仔裤顶部的几个纽扣,用食指尖轻轻梳理她阴部的顶部时,她开始想到这个铁青的眼睛,年轻的,她是宇宙中最性感的男主人,moist universe.She is thinking about being a lithe virginal 21 year old whose pussy tastes like butterscotch,她的后颈被Vulcan Death握紧,她的脸被逼进靠近窒息点的枕头里,而她的手腕被胶带绑在背后,这个男人长得和罗伯特·帕丁森一模一样,因为故事起源于《暮光之城》迷的小说——这个男人就在她面前买的,就个人而言,at the hardware store where she had part time employment in her college town.  He made a special trip and carved time out of his billionaire's day to travel to her small community and purchase the accoutrements of brutal sexual bondage at the quaint mom and pop Tru Value where she earns $7.50 an hour,为了以一种危险而诱人的方式进行交流,这位偶然代替幼童的大学报社记者是他理想中的牺牲品。

So she is thinking about being quasi-forcibly penetrated with this man's impossibly generous and perfectly complected cock,your mom.  A cock which is stretching her 21 year old butterscotch tasting pussy that even though said pussy has drunk deeply of this same member on a few prior occasions,this bone-white and rigid member is so impossibly huge that it still manages to push her open and stretch and sting.但不知怎的,它奇迹般地适合,inside your mom.  Who had hoped to have a sort of luxurious drawn out teasing period with the tip of her index finger on her mons pubis and outer labia before going whole hog with the Rabbit™ but the thought of his hot breath on her neck as he leaned on her and pushed her gagged face into the mattress was just too hot and she just plunged the whirring churning rotating rabbit inside her right up to the hilt and came instantly like a volcano;she couldn't help herself.  Your mom.

So in conclusion: five stars.

49 Responses to "Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James"

  1. 阿巴登 4月2日,2012在下午5:01 #

    这是最好的部分:

    她以女性认为“实业家”赚钱的方式赚了大笔钱,也就是说:他们不知道,so he just owns a bunch of factories where things are made by hand right here in the good old U S of A and a bunch of farms where man and beast alike are treated ethically and humanely.

    他自己做的,所有30岁以下。作者不想说“互联网亿万富翁”,因为扎克伯格不是真正的阿尔法材料。

    搞笑的分析…仍在努力获得一个55岁的胖女人照顾她的生意的画面…

    • 米妮小姐 6月26日,2014年上午11:01 #

      我看到肥胖的老人(有时是老同志)一直在读这本书和公共交通上的色情“浪漫小说”。
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!

    • e.Gann 2月12日,2015 at 6:28 pm #

      坦率地说,读者们并不真正关心克里斯蒂安·格雷是如何赚钱的。作者所要做的就是让它听起来可信。

      当电影和电视节目描述黑客行为时,等。it's often off-base,but it's just written to sound plausible to people who know nothing about hacking

  2. 杰凯 April 3,2012点:下午2点16分 #

    只是从阅读中得到了一种绝对可怕的现实气息…

    Will never be the same again.

    休斯敦大学,谢谢。。?!

  3. 崩塌的人 April 3,2012点:晚上7点17分 #

    天才

  4. WTF人 April 3,2012在晚上8点43分 #

    女人真的喜欢读这堆复杂的废话?

  5. LBK 4月4日,2012点在凌晨1点43分 #

    55岁的女性还会考虑性吗?

    • 史蒂夫 2月16日,2013年上午11:51 #

      我无法阻止Luanhigg。I'm sure if you show pics of Foxy on here we wouldn't say that.First thing I thought of with the picture is,哦,多可爱啊!她很平静。莎莎

  6. 狗万是不是万博 4月4日,2012 at 2:48 pm #

    到目前为止我最喜欢的反应是:

    http://likesbooks.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=10117&start=60

    米林写道:

    克里斯蒂娜:我不想争论这本书的优点(你甚至还没有读过)以及它对易受影响的年轻女孩可能产生的不良影响。

    我只想说我打开了你提供的一个男人对这本书的“评论”链接,我受到了创伤。我向你保证,这本书没有这篇文章中的语言那么生动。事实上,你谴责这本书,但没有想到发布这个链接,这说明你的虚伪,而不是你在你的帖子中宣布的高道德标准。

    代表所有50多名妇女,他对这个人口的描述侮辱了我。我是一个5尺6寸的女人,合适的时候穿迷你裙。有各种形状和大小的女人,但我不知道这是如何成为你发布链接的文章中那个“男人”的丑陋攻击的基础。

  7. Jenine@Handmade Jewelry Blog April 13,2012 at 1:40 pm #

    Ok,so I bought this book because it was on the top bestsellers list for so long.我想看看“嗡嗡”是怎么回事。

    This is not your typical boy meets girl let's date and fall in love romance.Christian wants to dominate Anastasia and he wants her submissive.他提出了一份要她签的合同。她在对他的爱和对他的恐惧之间挣扎。

  8. 5月9日,2012 at 10:33 pm #

    I laughed,我畏缩,I think I'm having a heart attack.This review is like The Ring,I have to spread it along before I'm overcome with that image of "mom."

    这太不对了。

    • 满意的 June 24,2012点在凌晨1点15分 #

      That's the best review of a review,ever.

      • Idaho 2月17日,2013年12:37 AM #

        HDMI是硬件设置,nothingto deal with postProductionbest way to work with SMU is to have AVI uncompresssed FileSMU is not an Editing video Progam,最后是一个键控+虚拟集(单独出售)后期制作系统,你可以以你想要的最佳方式/质量记录任何东西,然后有一个简单的和未压缩的avi文件,当然会被smu很好地处理,如果你是受雇的,一定要有一台高级电脑,以便及时渲染。

      • El Cid April 20,2015点在凌晨5点44分 #

        这个人很有写作天赋,幽默和想象力也很相配——我同意。

  9. 福斯特里克森 5月30日,下午2012点32分 #

    我忍不住笑了。伟大的职位!

  10. EMRN 6月10日,2012 at 7:06 pm #

    婊子们都快疯了。

  11. Anonymous 6月17日,2012年晚上10:58 #

    拜托,stop saying "Your mom."

    • Jim July 15,2012在下午5:09 #

      不,seriously.你妈妈。

      • Sneha 2月16日,2013点:下午5:19 #

        why does everyone autciatmoally jump to sex?我们的文化最近被搞得一团糟,所有的事情都与性有关,否则就会有些奇怪/错误。为什么一个男人和一个女孩不能一起出去,只是为了友谊?why should you have to defend that friendship to people who can't mind their own damn business?

    • 奥哈拉神父 9月19日,2015点:下午3点19分 #

      我的鸡巴痒

  12. Anonymous 7月24日,2012下午4点51分 #

    great post – whoever wrote it should write their own book.

  13. 8月10日,2012 at 11:46 am #

    哦,天哪,这真是太精确了,甚至连我爸爸在电视前昏倒的景象都是如此。

  14. 科图拉 1月19日,2013 at 1:08 pm #

    OMG!这篇文章真的让我在拥挤的通勤列车上哈哈大笑,我想是心脏病把我和它联系起来了。Anyways my 13.5yo son kept asking me what 50 shades of gray was about,所以在告诉他这是关于性的事情之后,我无法读完第一章,因为我最终决定让他读这篇评论,因为我的写作风格平淡无奇。他笑了笑,最后说了一句“太恶心了,太恶心了,我真不敢相信我奶奶读过这个”哈哈,我又笑得要命了。是的,我妈妈读过(67岁),而且我的女同龄人中,大多数都读过(我46岁)。我不反对一本好书或色情小说,但我相信这本书和续集,are just beyond pathetic.事实上,这么多老女人都在读这些书,真是太可笑了!!我的孩子说“他把她当了性奴隶”?我告诉他她同意做他的性奴隶。可怜的孩子不知道“更公平”的性行为的真正本质,but don't worry I'll make sure he has at least a diploma in heartiste as soon as he can read for more than 5 minutes at a time.Anyways Delicious,我要感谢你们的欢笑和帮助教育年轻一代,哈哈!!继续写博客,我喜欢读你的博客!

  15. 克里奇 1月22日,2013 at 2:26 pm #

    女人真的是恶心和变态的生物,不是吗?

    • 科图拉01 1月26日,2013年上午10:35 #

      女人有时很可怕。I watched this episode of ‘Brainwashed' where this beautiful blonde petite mormon woman single mother with 3 gorgeous kids met up with this loser at a mormon dance.这个失败者在和她跳舞时设法使她“刺痛”,并设法使她相信他是新先知。直到他说服她放弃孩子(大概是谢天谢地给她前妻)卖掉房子(把钱存入失败者的银行账户),然后为了钱和其他男人睡觉。他说服她搬去SLC的贫民区(为了省钱),到了这个时候,他进了监狱,所以他仍然在拉她的关系。She was finally at the end of her rope (must have been a long rope) and ready to kick this "prophet" to the curb when the loser got his jailhouse buddy to call her and tell her how he saw a halo over loser's head while he was sleeping etc.于是她又一次深信他确实是先知。I was just fscking stunned and so was my husband,那是一个美丽的,大概有三个完美孩子的宗教或虔诚的女人会被她的刺痛所说服,跟随她对某个随机的男人的“感觉”,告诉她他是先知,她会抛弃她的整个生命,以你能想象的最恶心和堕落的方式自卑……她的拯救恩典??先知的狱中伙伴很早就被释放了,他被告知他可以去贫民区的旅馆房间探望这个女人并和她发生性关系。He took the offer and after they had sex,他醒来看到了她的孩子们的照片……他说他觉得恶心,决定把整个故事都说出来。He knew the prophet was a fraud,and he felt gulity for his part in the charade.

      对我来说,这个故事的寓意是男人比女人有更好的品格和更多的忠诚。

      I felt ashamed to be a woman after seeing this show.

      所以,是的,女人可能真的是令人厌恶和变态的生物…

      • Raichu 2月12日,2015年10:58 #

        你他妈的在开玩笑吧?

        请告诉我你是。我真的说不出来。But one woman being naive and dumb does not make all 3.5 billion of us "scary" or stupid.And don't pretend men never fall for women's charms and do really dumb things because they want the pussy.这是一个完整的文学原型!

  16. Rosbifou February 9,2013点在上午7点45分 #

    This review is what brought me here.好东西——谢谢!

  17. 药丸童子军 7月24日,2013点在上午8点20分 #

    你会喜欢这个的:
    http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=af13_50_shades_maddox

  18. 布赖恩卡特 5月15日,2014点在上午9点16分 #

    Any reader who liked 50 Shades will LOVE the new novel Starbucks Bitches.它更长,有更深的深度,更好的角色,better romance,better sex,更好的一切。总部设在达拉斯,德克萨斯州,and is coffee centric.这是网站上的描述http://www.starbucksbitches.com:

    五个非常不同的女人联合在一起形成一个不太可能的,但是牢不可破的朋友圈,合作和策划他们的方式,以更好的关系和更好的生活。When one of them vanishes suspiciously,其他人必须在她永远消失之前一起寻找她。

    有着广泛的情感和复杂的关系,跨越了人生的高低,Starbucks Bitches takes the reader on a wild ride that is deeply touching,发人深省,and intensely romantic.

    本世纪最具色情色彩的公然性小说之一,Starbucks Bitches is an unprecedented adventure in love,lust,以及无条件的友谊。

    • Yuli Ban 11月20日,2014年上午11:32 #

      我觉得你不了解这里的情况。Anyone who liked 50 Shades will NOT LOVE Starbucks Bitches *because* it has more depth,更好的角色,better romance,better sex,and better everything.50种色调之所以受欢迎,正是因为它不过是一部肤浅的BDSM后暮光迷小说。

    • Raichu 2月12日,2015 at 10:59 pm #

      我搞糊涂了。That actually sounds interesting.

      50SoG does not sound interesting.

  19. 史书 August 29,2014 at 12:58 pm #

    I gave this review 10 points until he admitted giving this shitty piece of writing maximum honors.

  20. 神秘主义者 November 2,2014点在上午9点26分 #

    真滑稽!
    Saw your Okc before,that was too funny!!虽然我不知道为什么,但CD和Dildo男孩们似乎都喜欢我。
    I never had any desire to read 50 shades and now I have even less.谢谢,I didn't want to spend the money and the book sounds daft.Okc messages are much more perverted and well amusing,I'm sure.很好,你出去了。
    Shiva

  21. Joshua 2月13日,2015 at 3:30 am #

    My friend you must become a writer !!

  22. Anonymous 2月13日,2015年下午12:56 #

    Oh,在这个博客刚发布之后,你可以在“兔子”和TruValue上看到谷歌的分析结果。做得好。

  23. TuffLuv 2月16日,2016 at 10:18 am #

    Ugh..你不能用“妻子”代替“妈妈”吗?

  24. Anonymous May 12,2016点在上午9点10分 #

    Is 36 middle-aged?Because I totally masturbated to this book.还有电影。也,I'm someone's mother.我有一只兔子。But,I found this post very funny.Even though it made me a little depressed.你是个优秀的作家,狗万是不是万博美味佳肴。

  25. 阿德里安 May 20,2018点:下午1点20分 #

    It's amazing to pay a quick visit this website and reading the
    views of all mates on the topic of this paragraph,同时我也热衷于
    经验。

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