书评:E.L.詹姆斯的50种灰色阴影

二十三 马尔

(If you like this shit,check out my book热裸山雀.)

Right now,your mom is masturbating to a dirty book关于一个把一个年轻女孩绑到椅子上的人,蒙蔽她,唠叨她,beats the shit out of her,然后从她的鸡笼里拿出一个卫生棉条,在喷热之前弄脏她的月经。她脸上满是咸咸的鸡巴。他的大公鸡。他的大公鸡,巨大的公鸡。如此巨大以至于她害怕它,你妈妈是个21岁的女孩。The girl whom she is pretending to be while she is flicking her middle-aged bean is younger than you.  She is younger than your younger sister.  She is a mere four years older than you were when your mom would have been horrified to find a pack of purloined Virginia Slims crumpled up in your Levis when she was doing your laundry.

现在你妈妈假装是一个女孩,她已经长大了,可以喝酒了,她遇到了一位声名狼藉但与世隔绝的亿万富翁“实业家”,她以女性认为“实业家”赚钱的方式赚了大笔钱,which is: they don't know,so he just owns a bunch of factories where things are made by hand right here in the good old U S of A and a bunch of farms where man and beast alike are treated ethically and humanely.  When asked about his massive hoard of non-inherited money bootstrapped from nothing with the sweat of his brow the man,30岁以下,说到他如何“了解人”,关键是他的4万名员工,所有他亲手挑选的人,付出他们的价值,倾听他们的想法等等。尽管他那一大群年轻的金发美女秘书都怕他,当她年轻的记者室友生病时,女孩不得不在校报上采访他,and then he tracked her down and made the girl his fuckslave.

This is what your middle aged suburban mom likes to think about when she pulls her Rabbit™,which is a bright purple larger-than-average artificial penis with rotating pearl-like bearings along the shaft and a clitoral stimulator shaped like the eponymous animal—when your 55 year old presumably overweight mother who has not groomed her salt and pepper pubic area in several decades and has what appears to be the scalp of 1982 Jerry Garcia affixed to her crotch—when she pulls this machine out of the dishwasher after your father has passed out in front of Sportscenter,when she unbuttons the top few buttons of her generously cut Walmart® Faded Glory™ jeans and teases the top of her mons pubis slightly with the tip of her index finger,she is beginning to think about this steely-eyed,young,and virile master of the universe—of her hot,潮湿的宇宙她想成为一个身材苗条的21岁处女,她的阴部尝起来像奶油糖果,having the back of her neck held in a Vulcan death grip and her face forced into a  pillow near to the point of suffocation while her wrists are duct taped behind her back with duct tape that this man– who looks exactly like Robert Pattinson,因为故事起源于《暮光之城》迷的小说——这个男人就在她面前买的,personally,在她大学城有兼职工作的五金店。他做了一次特别的旅行,并从亿万富翁的一天中抽出时间去她的小社区旅行,以古怪的母女价值购买残忍的性束缚的装备,她每小时挣7.50美元,为了以一种危险而诱人的方式进行交流,这位偶然代替幼童的大学报社记者是他理想中的牺牲品。

所以她想用这个男人那不可能的慷慨和完美的雄鸡,把她逼得透不过气来,你妈妈。一只公鸡正在伸展她21岁的奶糖味猫咪,尽管之前说过猫咪曾深饮过同一个成员,这个白骨僵硬的身体实在是太大了,以至于它仍然能把她推开,伸展和刺痛。但不知怎的,它奇迹般地适合,在你妈妈的身体里。她曾希望有一种奢侈的、旷日持久的取笑时间,在和兔子一起吃之前,她的食指尖放在阴唇和阴唇上,但当他靠在她身上,把她那张被塞住的脸推到床垫上时,他想到了他在她脖子上的热气,她就把水从床上喷了下去。她体内旋转着一只巨大的兔子,一直旋转到剑柄处,立刻像火山一样出现了。她无法自拔。你妈妈。

所以总结一下:五颗星。

49对“书评:E.L.詹姆斯的50种灰色”的回应

  1. Abaddon April 2,2012 at 5:01 pm γ

    This was the best part:

    她以女性认为“实业家”赚钱的方式赚了大笔钱,which is: they don't know,所以他只拥有一堆手工制作的工厂,就在这里,在一个古老的美国,还有一堆农场,在那里,人们和野兽一样受到道德和人道的对待。

    他自己做的,所有30岁以下。The author didn't want to say ‘Internet billionaire because Zuckerberg is not exactly Alpha material.

    搞笑的分析…仍在努力获得一个55岁的胖女人照顾她的生意的画面…

    • 米妮小姐 June 26,2014 at 11:01 am γ

      I see obese old people (sometimes old gay guys) reading this and pornographic "romance novels" on public transit all the time.
      啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊哈!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • e.甘恩 February 12,2015点:下午6点28分 γ

      To be frank,the readers don't really care how Christian Gray makes his money.All the author needs to do is make it sound plausible.

      当电影和电视节目描述黑客行为时,等。通常是在基地外,但它只是为那些对黑客一无所知的人写的听起来似乎合理。

  2. JayKay 4月3日,2012 at 2:16 pm γ

    只是从阅读中得到了一种绝对可怕的现实气息…

    再也不一样了。

    Uh,谢谢。。?!

  3. collapseofman 4月3日,2012 at 7:17 pm γ

    Genius

  4. wtf man 4月3日,2012 at 8:43 pm γ

    women actually enjoy reading this pile of convoluted shit?

  5. LBK April 4,2012 at 1:43 am γ

    55岁的女性还会考虑性吗?

    • 史蒂夫 February 16,2013年上午11:51 γ

      dipshits I couldn't stop luanhigg.我敢肯定如果你在这里展示狐狸的照片,我们不会这么说的。我想到的第一件事就是,Oh how cute.She's so peaceful.Sasha

  6. 狗万是不是万博 April 4,2012在下午2点48分 γ

    My favorite reaction so far:

    http://likesbooks.com/boards/viewtopic.php?T=10117,启动=60

    mirole wrote:

    ChristineAnneLibby: I am not going to argue about the merits of the book (that you have not even read) and its possible distructive impact on impressionable young girls.

    I only want to say that I opened the link you provided of a man's ‘review' of the book and I was traumatized.I assure you that the book is not nearly as graphic as the language in this piece.The fact that you condemn the book but thought nothing of posting this link speaks to your hypocrisy rather than high moral standards that you proclaim in your post.

    代表所有50多名妇女,他对这个人口的描述侮辱了我。I am a 5'6″ size 6 woman wearing miniskirts when appropriate.有各种形状和大小的女人,但我不明白这是如何成为你发布链接的文章中那个“男人”的丑陋攻击的基础。

  7. 珍妮娜@手工珠宝博客 4月13日,下午2012点40分 γ

    好啊,所以我买了这本书,因为它在畅销书排行榜上这么久。I wanted to see what all the "buzz" was about.

    这不是你典型的男孩遇到女孩让我们约会和恋爱浪漫。克里斯蒂安想要支配阿纳斯塔西娅,他想要她顺从。He comes up with a contract that he wants her to sign.She's torn between her love for him and her fear of him.

  8. Ann May 9,2012年晚上10:33 γ

    我笑了,我畏缩,我想我心脏病发作了。这个评论就像戒指,在我被“妈妈”的形象所征服之前,我必须把它传播开来。

    这太不对了。

    • Jake 6月24日,2012 at 1:15 am γ

      这是对评论最好的评论,曾经。

      • 爱达荷 February 17,2013 at 12:37 am γ

        HDMI is hardware setintg,处理后期制作的最佳方法是让avi未压缩的文件mu不是一个编辑视频程序,is a Keying+Virtual sets (sold separately) Post production systemfinally,you can record anything in best way/quality you want,然后有一个简单的和未压缩的avi文件,当然会被smu很好地处理,if you work in Hires,be sure to have a highlevel pc to make rendering in a timely manner

      • 埃尔西德 4月20日,2015 at 5:44 am γ

        This man has a serious gift for writing,幽默和想象力也很相配——我同意。

  9. fostrickson 5月30日,2012 at 2:32 pm γ

    I can't stop laughing.Great post!

  10. EMRN June 10,2012点:下午7点06分 γ

    Bitches be trippin.

  11. 匿名的 June 17,2012 at 10:58 pm γ

    Please,别再说“你妈妈”。

    • 吉姆 7月15日,2012在下午5:09 γ

      不,说真的。Your mom.

      • 斯尼哈 February 16,2013 at 5:19 pm γ

        为什么每个人都会孤注一掷地去做爱?our culture is so f*cked up lately that everything has to be related to sex otherwise something is weird/wrong.为什么一个男人和一个女孩不能一起出去,只是为了友谊?你为什么要为那些不在乎自己生意的人维护友谊呢?

    • Father O'Hara September 19,2015 at 3:19 pm γ

      My dick is itchy

  12. 匿名的 7月24日,2012 at 4:51 pm γ

    很棒的帖子——不管是谁写的,都应该写自己的书。

  13. Ru August 10,2012年上午11:46 γ

    Oh god this is so horribly accurate even down to the vision of my dad passed out in front of the TV

  14. kotoula January 19,2013在下午1:08 γ

    天啊!这篇文章真的让我在拥挤的通勤列车上哈哈大笑,I think heartiste linked me to it.不管怎么说,我13.5岁的儿子一直在问我50种颜色的灰色是什么,so after telling him it's about sex,and that I couldn't get thru the first chapter becaue of the vapid writing style I finally decided to let him read this review.He smiled and finished off with a big "ewwwwwwwwwwww that's sooooooooooo disgustingggggggg OMG I can't believe my grandma has read that ewwwwwwwwwww" lol and I'm killing myself laughing again.是的,我妈妈读过(67岁),而且我的女同龄人中的每一个都读过(我46岁)。I'm not against a good sex book or porn,but this book and the sequels I'm sure,只是超越了可悲。The fact that so many older women are reading them is so fucking hilarious!!我的孩子说“他把她当了性奴隶”?I told him she agreed to be his sex slave.Poor kid has no idea of the real nature of the ‘fairer' sex,不过别担心,我会确保他一次能读5分钟以上的书,就至少在心脏病专科学校有一个文凭。不管怎样,很好吃,I wanted to thank you for the laughs and for helping educate the younger generation lol!!Keep on blogging I love reading your blog!

  15. 克里奇 January 22,2013下午2时26分 γ

    Women are truly disgusting and pervert creatures,aren't they?

    • kotoula01 1月26日,2013 at 10:35 am γ

      Women are scary sometimes.我看了这集《洗脑》,一个金发娇小的摩门教女人单身母亲带着3个漂亮的孩子在摩门教舞会上遇见了这个失败者。This loser managed to maker her ‘tingle' when he was dancing with her,并设法说服她他是新先知。This went on until he managed to convince her to give up her kids (presumably to her ex thankfully) sell her house (and put the money in losers bank account) and then sleep with other men for money.He convinced her to move to skid row in SLC (to save money) and by this time he ended up in jail so from prison he was still pulling her strings.她终于到了绳子的末端(一定是一根很长的绳子),准备把这个“先知”踢到路边,这时失败者让他的监狱伙伴给她打电话,告诉她他是如何在失败者睡觉时看到头上有一个光环的。so she was convinced all over again that he was indeed the prophet.我只是惊呆了,我丈夫也是,that a beautiful,大概有三个完美孩子的宗教或虔诚的女人会被她的刺痛所说服,跟随她对某个随机的男人的“感觉”,告诉她他是先知,她会放弃她的整个生命,以你能想象的最恶心和堕落的方式自卑……她的拯救恩典??The jailhouse buddy of the prophet was released early and was told he could go visit this woman in her hotel room on skid row and have sex with her.他接受了邀请,在他们做爱后,he woke up and saw pics of her kids….he said he felt sick and decided to spill the beans about the whole story.他知道先知是个骗子,他为自己扮演的角色感到痛心。

      Moral of the story for me was that men have better character and more loyalty than women.

      看完这个节目后,我觉得做个女人很丢脸。

      所以,是的,women can be truly disgusting and perverted creatures…

      • 雷丘 February 12,2015 at 10:58 pm γ

        You're fucking kidding me right?

        Please tell me you are.I honestly cannot tell.但一个女人的天真和愚蠢并不能使我们所有35亿人“害怕”或愚蠢。不要假装男人永远不会爱上女人的魅力,做一些愚蠢的事情,因为他们想要女人。That's an entire literary archetype for fuck's sake!

  16. 罗斯比欧 2月9日,2013点在上午7点45分 γ

    这篇评论让我来到这里。好东西——谢谢!

  17. Brian Carter May 15,2014 at 9:16 am γ

    任何喜欢50种色调的读者都会喜欢新小说《星巴克婊子》。Its longer,有更深的深度,better characters,更好的浪漫,更好的性生活,更好的一切。It is based in Dallas,Texas,以咖啡为中心。Here is the description from the websitehttp://www.starbucksbitches.com

    五个非常不同的女人联合在一起形成一个不太可能的,但是牢不可破的朋友圈,collaborating and scheming their way to better relationships and better lives.当其中一个可疑地消失时,其他人必须在她永远消失之前一起寻找她。

    With a wide range of emotional and complicated relationships that span the highs (and lows) of life,星巴克的婊子们带着读者一路狂野的旅程,那是一段感人的旅程,thought provoking,非常浪漫。

    One of the most erotically charged and overtly sexual novels of the century,星巴克婊子是一次前所未有的爱情冒险,强烈欲望,以及无条件的友谊。

    • 玉利班 November 20,2014年上午11:32 γ

      I don't think you're understanding the situation here.任何喜欢50种色调的人都不会喜欢星巴克的婊子,因为它有更高的深度,better characters,更好的浪漫,更好的性生活,更好的一切。50 Shades is popular precisely because it's nothing more than a shallow BDSM post-Twilight fanfiction.

    • 雷丘 February 12,2015年晚上10:59 γ

      I'm confused.听起来很有趣。

      50磅听起来不有趣。

  18. stormscriptures 8月29日,2014年下午12:58 γ

    我给了这篇评论10分,直到他承认给了这篇糟糕的文章最高荣誉。

  19. mysticalmaiaariel 11月2日,2014点在上午9点26分 γ

    Really funny!
    以前看过你的OKC,太有趣了!!The CDs and dildo boys mostly seem to like me though I have no idea why..
    我从来没想过要读50种颜色的书,现在我读的更少了。Thanks,我不想花钱,这本书听起来很愚蠢。OKC的信息更加变态有趣,我敢肯定。很好,你出去了。
    湿婆

  20. 约书亚 February 13,2015点在凌晨3点30分 γ

    我的朋友,你必须成为一名作家!!

  21. 匿名的 February 13,2015 at 12:56 pm γ

    哦,在这个博客刚发布之后,你可以在“兔子”和TruValue上看到谷歌的分析结果。Well done.

  22. 塔夫卢夫 February 16,2016年上午10:18 γ

    呃…couldn't you have used "wife" instead of "mom".

  23. 匿名的 5月12日,2016点在上午9点10分 γ

    36岁是中年人吗?因为我完全是自慰了这本书。And the movie.Also,我是某人的母亲。我有一只兔子。但是,我觉得这篇文章很有趣。尽管这让我有点沮丧。你是个优秀的作家,狗万是不是万博delicioustacos.

  24. 艾德里安 5月20日,2018 at 1:20 pm γ

    快速访问本网站并阅读
    所有同伴对本段主题的看法,while I am also zealous of getting
    experience.

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