Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James

23 损伤

(如果你喜欢这个狗屎,请查看我的书热裸体乳房。)

马上,你的妈妈正在自慰一本肮脏的书about a guy who duct tapes a young girl to a chair, blindfolds her, gags her, beats the shit out of her, then pulls a tampon out of her cooch and fucks her period pussy before spraying hot, salty jizz all over her face.  With his huge cock.  His huge, huge cock.  So huge that she is scared of it, your mom in character as this 21 year old girlThe girl whom she is pretending to be while she is flicking her middle-aged bean is younger than you.  She is younger than your younger sister.  She is a mere four years older than you were when your mom would have been horrified to find a pack of purloined Virginia Slims crumpled up in your Levis when she was doing your laundry.

Right now your mom is pretending to be a girl who literally just turned old enough to drink, who meets a notorious but reclusive billionaire “industrialist” who made huge sums of money in the way that women think “industrialists” make money, which is: they don’t know, so he just owns a bunch of factories where things are made by hand right here in the good old U S of A and a bunch of farms where man and beast alike are treated ethically and humanely.  When asked about his massive hoard of non-inherited money bootstrapped from nothing with the sweat of his brow the man, who is under thirty, speaks of how he “knows people” and the key is his forty thousand employees, all of whom he has hand-selected and pays what they’re worth and listens to their ideas and etc., even though his army of hot young blonde secretaries are terrified of him.  The girl had to interview him for the school paper when her cub journalist roommate got sick, and then he tracked her down and made the girl his fuckslave.

This is what your middle aged suburban mom likes to think about when she pulls her Rabbit™, which is a bright purple larger-than-average artificial penis with rotating pearl-like bearings along the shaft and a clitoral stimulator shaped like the eponymous animal—when your 55 year old presumably overweight mother who has not groomed her salt and pepper pubic area in several decades and has what appears to be the scalp of 1982 Jerry Garcia affixed to her crotch—when she pulls this machine out of the dishwasher after your father has passed out in front of Sportscenter, when she unbuttons the top few buttons of her generously cut Walmart® Faded Glory™ jeans and teases the top of her mons pubis slightly with the tip of her index finger, she is beginning to think about this steely-eyed, young, and virile master of the universe—of her hot, moist universeShe is thinking about being a lithe virginal 21 year old whose pussy tastes like butterscotch, having the back of her neck held in a Vulcan death grip and her face forced into a  pillow near to the point of suffocation while her wrists are duct taped behind her back with duct tape that this man– who looks exactly like Robert Pattinson, since the story originated as TWILIGHT fan fiction— this man purchased right in front of her, personally, at the hardware store where she had part time employment in her college town.  He made a special trip and carved time out of his billionaire’s day to travel to her small community and purchase the accoutrements of brutal sexual bondage at the quaint mom and pop Tru Value where she earns $7.50 an hour, so as to communicate in a menacing but alluring manner that this accidental substitute cub reporter for the college newspaper was his desired catamite.

So she is thinking about being quasi-forcibly penetrated with this man’s impossibly generous and perfectly complected cock, your mom.  A cock which is stretching her 21 year old butterscotch tasting pussy that even though said pussy has drunk deeply of this same member on a few prior occasions, this bone-white and rigid member is so impossibly huge that it still manages to push her open and stretch and stingAnd yet somehow it miraculously fits, inside your mom.  Who had hoped to have a sort of luxurious drawn out teasing period with the tip of her index finger on her mons pubis and outer labia before going whole hog with the Rabbit™ but the thought of his hot breath on her neck as he leaned on her and pushed her gagged face into the mattress was just too hot and she just plunged the whirring churning rotating rabbit inside her right up to the hilt and came instantly like a volcano; she couldn’t help herself.  Your mom.

所以总结:五颗星。

48 Responses to “Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James”

  1. 阿巴顿 2012年4月2日下午5:01

    这是最好的部分:

    who made huge sums of money in the way that women think “industrialists” make money, which is: they don’t know, so he just owns a bunch of factories where things are made by hand right here in the good old U S of A and a bunch of farms where man and beast alike are treated ethically and humanely.

    并且他自己创造了30岁以下作者不想说'互联网亿万富翁,因为扎克伯格不完全是阿尔法材料。

    Hilarious analysis…still struggling to get the visual of a fat 55 year old woman taking care of her business…

    • 米妮小姐 2014年6月26日上午11点01分

      我看到肥胖的老人(有时候是老同性恋者)一直在公共交通上阅读这本和色情“浪漫小说”。
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH !!!!!!!!!!

    • Ë江恩 2015年2月12日下午6:28

      坦率地说,读者并不关心Christian Gray如何赚钱作者需要做的就是让它看起来合情合理。

      当电影和电视节目描绘黑客等时它通常是偏离基础的,但对于那些对黑客一无所知的人来说,这听起来似乎是合理的

  2. JayKay 2012年4月3日下午2:16

    刚刚得到一个绝对可怕的现实气息,因为它真的是从阅读...

    永远不会再一样了。

    呃,谢谢..?!

  3. collapseofman 2012年4月3日晚上7:17

    天才

  4. wtf男人 2012年4月3日晚上8:43

    女人实际上喜欢读这堆错综复杂的狗屎?

  5. LBK 2012年4月4日凌晨1点43分

    55岁的女性还在考虑做爱吗?

    • 史蒂夫 2013年2月16日上午11:51

      dipshits我无法阻止luanhigg我敢肯定,如果你在这里展示Foxy的照片我们就不会这么说了我想到的第一件事就是,哦,多么可爱她太平静了萨沙

  6. 狗万是不是万博 2012年4月4日下午2:48

    到目前为止我最喜欢的反应

    http://likesbooks.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=10117&start=60

    mirole写道:

    ChristineAnneLibby:我不打算讨论这本书的优点(你甚至没有读过)及其对易受影响的年轻女孩的可能的破坏性影响。

    我只是想说我打开了你提供的关于这本书的男人“评论”的链接,我受到了创伤我向你们保证,这本书并不像这篇文章那样具有图形你谴责这本书但却没有想到发布这个链接的事实说明你的虚伪而不是你在帖子中宣称的高道德标准。

    代表所有50多名女性,我被他对这个人口的描述所侮辱我是一个5尺6寸6岁的女人,穿着迷你裙有各种形状和大小的女性,但我不知道这是如何通过你发布链接的那个“男人”的丑陋攻击的基础。

  7. Jenine @手工珠宝博客 2012年4月13日下午1:40

    好的,所以我买了这本书,因为它在畅销书排行榜上排名很长我想看看所有的“嗡嗡声”是什么。

    这不是你典型的男孩遇见女孩让日期和坠入爱河的浪漫克里斯蒂安想要统治阿纳斯塔西娅,他希望她顺从他提出了一份他希望她签署的合同在她对他的爱和对他的恐惧之间,她被撕裂了。

  8. May 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    我笑了,我畏缩了,我想我心脏病发作了这篇评论就像The Ring一样,在我克服“妈妈”的形象之前,我必须把它传播开来。

    那是不对的。

    • 可靠的人 2012年6月24日上午1:15

      这是对评论的最佳评论。

      • 爱达荷州 2013年2月17日上午12:37

        HDMI is hardware setintg, nothingto deal with postProductionbest way to work with SMU is to have AVI uncompresssed FileSMU is not an Editing video Progam, is a Keying+Virtual sets (sold separately) Post production systemfinally, you can record anything in best way/quality you want, then have a simple and uncompressed avi files wich will be well handled by SMUof course, if you work in Hires, be sure to have a highlevel pc to make rendering in a timely manner

      • El Cid 2015年4月20日上午5:44

        这个男人有一个严肃的写作礼物,幽默和想象力匹配 - 我同意。

  9. fostrickson 2012年5月30日下午2:32

    我不能停止笑好帖子!

  10. EMRN 2012年6月10日下午7:06

    母狗是trippin。

  11. 匿名 2012年6月17日晚上10:58

    请停止说“你的妈妈”。

    • 吉姆 2012年7月15日下午5:09

      不,认真你妈妈

      • 斯纳 2013年2月16日下午5:19

        why does everyone autciatmoally jump to sex? our culture is so f*cked up lately that everything has to be related to sex otherwise something is weird/wrongwhy can’t a guy and girl hang out and just have it be about friendship? why should you have to defend that friendship to people who can’t mind their own damn business?

    • 奥哈拉神父 2015年9月19日下午3:19

      我的家伙很痒

  12. 匿名 2012年7月24日下午4:51

    伟大的帖子 - 谁写了它应该写自己的书。

  13. 2012年8月10日上午11:46

    哦,上帝,即使在我父亲在电视机前昏倒的视野下,这也非常准确

  14. kotoula 2013年1月19日下午1:08

    OMG! This post actually made me LOL on a packed commuter train, I think heartiste linked me to it无论如何,我的13.5yo儿子一直在问我50种灰色阴影,所以告诉他这是关于性的,并且我无法通过第一章因为无聊的写作风格我终于决定让他阅读这篇评论他微笑着说完了一个很大的“ewwwwwwwwwwww,这太令人厌恶了,我不敢相信我的奶奶已经读过那个ewwwwwwww”lol而且我再次自杀了是的,我母亲读过它(67岁),我的每个女同龄人都读过它(我46岁)我并不反对一本好的性书或色情片,但这本书和我确定的续集,都是可悲的The fact that so many older women are reading them is so fucking hilarious!! My kid said ‘he made her his sex slave’? I told him she agreed to be his sex slave可怜的孩子不知道“更公平”的性别的真实本质,但不要担心,一旦他能一次阅读超过5分钟,我会确保他至少有一份文凭。Anyways Delicious, I wanted to thank you for the laughs and for helping educate the younger generation lol!! Keep on blogging I love reading your blog!

  15. Cricri 2013年1月22日下午2:26

    女人真是令人厌恶和变态的生物,不是吗?

    • kotoula01 2013年1月26日上午10:35

      女人有时候很可怕我看了这集“洗脑”这集这个美丽的金发小蛮摩门教女人单身母亲和3个华丽的孩子在摩门教舞会上遇到了这个失败者当他和她一起跳舞时,这个失败者成功地制造了她的“刺痛”,并设法说服她,他是新先知这种情况一直持续到他设法说服她放弃她的孩子(大概是为了感谢她)卖掉她的房子(并将钱存入失败者银行账户)然后和其他男人一起睡觉以换钱他说服她在SLC打滑(以省钱),此时他最终入狱,因此从监狱开始,他还在拉着她的绳子She was finally at the end of her rope (must have been a long rope) and ready to kick this “prophet” to the curb when the loser got his jailhouse buddy to call her and tell her how he saw a halo over loser’s head while he was sleeping etc所以她再次相信他确实是先知I was just fscking stunned and so was my husband, that a beautiful, presumably religious or pious woman with 3 perfect children could be so convinced by her tingles to follow her ‘feelings’ about some random guy telling her he was the prophet that she would throw away her whole life and prostitue herself in the most disgusting and depraved way you could imagine…..her saving grace?? The jailhouse buddy of the prophet was released early and was told he could go visit this woman in her hotel room on skid row and have sex with her他接受了这个提议,在他们发生性关系后,他醒来时看到了她孩子们的照片......他说他感到恶心,并决定将豆子洒在整个故事上他知道先知是一个欺诈行为,他觉得他在游戏中扮演的角色很有道理。

      对我来说故事的道德是,男人比女人更有品格,更忠诚。

      看完这个节目后,我感到羞于成为一个女人。

      所以,是的,女人可能是真正令人厌恶和变态的生物......

      • 的Raichu 2015年2月12日晚上10:58

        你他妈的开玩笑吧?

        请告诉我你是老实说,我说不出来但是,一个天真愚蠢的女人并没有让我们所有35亿人“吓人”或愚蠢并且不要假装男人永远不会因为女人的魅力而堕落,因为他们想要猫咪,所以真的很蠢这是他妈的缘故的整个文学原型!

  16. Rosbifou 2013年2月9日上午7:45

    这篇评论就是我带来的棒极了 - 谢谢!

  17. 布莱恩卡特 2014年5月15日上午9:16

    任何喜欢50种色调的读者都会喜欢新的小说“星巴克婊子”它更长,更深入,更好的角色,更好的浪漫,更好的性,更好的一切它位于德克萨斯州达拉斯,以咖啡为中心这是网站上的描述http://www.starbucksbitches.com

    五个非常多元化的女性聚集在一起,形成一个不太可能,但坚不可摧的朋友圈,合作和策划他们的方式,以改善人际关系和改善生活当其中一个人怀疑地消失时,其他人必须共同努力才能找到她,直到她永远消失。

    With a wide range of emotional and complicated relationships that span the highs (and lows) of life, Starbucks Bitches takes the reader on a wild ride that is deeply touching, thought provoking, and intensely romantic.

    星巴克Bitches是本世纪最具性感和性感的性爱小说之一,是爱情,欲望和无条件友谊的前所未有的冒险。

    • 玉里班 2014年11月20日上午11:32

      我认为你不了解这里的情况任何喜欢50种色调的人都不会喜欢星巴克的婊子*因为它有更多的深度,更好的角色,更好的浪漫,更好的性爱,以及更好的一切50种阴影之所以流行正是因为它只不过是一部浅薄的BDSM后暮光小说。

    • 的Raichu 2015年2月12日晚上10:59

      我糊涂了这听起来很有趣。

      50SoG听起来并不有趣。

  18. stormscriptures 2014年8月29日下午12:58

    我给了这个评论10分,直到他承认给了这篇糟糕的写作最高荣誉。

  19. mysticalmaiaariel 2014年11月2日上午9:26

    真是可笑!
    Saw your Okc before, that was too funny!! The CDs and dildo boys mostly seem to like me though I have no idea why..
    我从来没有想过阅读50种色调,现在我甚至更少了谢谢,我不想花钱,这本书听起来很愚蠢我确定,Okc消息更加变态并且很有趣好的,你出去了。
    湿婆

  20. 约书亚 2015年2月13日凌晨3:30

    我的朋友,你必须成为一名作家!

  21. 匿名 2015年2月13日下午12:56

    哦,在这个博客刚刚受到关注之后看到谷歌分析“兔子”和TruValue做得好。

  22. TuffLuv 2016年2月16日上午10:18

    啊。难道你不能用“老婆”代替“妈妈”。

  23. 匿名 2016年5月12日上午9:10

    Is 36 middle-aged? Because I totally masturbated to this book还有电影而且,我是某人的母亲我拥有一只兔子但是,我发现这篇文章很有趣虽然它让我有点沮丧You’re an excellent writer, 狗万是不是万博.

  24. 阿德里安 2018年5月20日下午1:20

    很高兴快速访问这个网站并阅读
    views of all mates on the topic of this paragraph, while I am also zealous of getting
    经验。

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